The talent will be drawn from the nation’s college students with recruitment for major teams beginning in earnest on campuses around the country.
“Students are the obvious choice” says Jerry Bruckheimer (no relation), coach of the Philadelphia Piss-Heads, “they are big enough to drink large amounts but young enough to think this is a good idea”.
President Obama has said that it is important, in this time of crisis that everyone drink more as a way of blocking out the horrific economic reality we are facing. “We believe that the recognition of the art of getting wasted will promote drinking as a noble and useful pastime” said Obama in a recent White House address.
The team from NYC are already in training, downing pretentious cocktails with names like “Tina Fey’s Ass” and “the double bomb face threat down homeboy”.
In an interview, college senior and would-be all-state drinking champion, Chad Milarkeyface had this to say: “I will take you all on, faggotsh, I am the king of driiinking and I er would be er able to drink, yeh!” Chad ended his speech by crushing a beer can on his forehead and passing out at the press conference.
Some people have expressed concern about the health of the competitors and have drawn attention to what they see as the “immoral nature” of the NDL. In reply to the nay-sayers, Martin PringleDingleDangle, who is set to become the president of the NDL called the detractors “un-American” and went on to point out that “muslims don’t drink and therefore anyone who does not support the formation of the NDL is a terrorist”.
The first match will see the LA Lake-of-Vodkas take on the Tennessee Moonshiners in a battle to see who can remain standing after drinking large quantities of sponsor, Jack Daniel’s famous black label.