Advice for new students is all over the place and it’s hardly earth-shattering. The most common pieces of wisdom are “live frugally” and “don’t rush into a major” as if, without their sage counsel, the nation’s students will absorb themselves in the study of the Norwegian Leather Industry while practicing their golf swings using Faberge Eggs instead of balls.
It’s easy to sit here and pick holes in things – but can I offer new students anything better? Well, I can. In fact what follows is my advice to new students. I would like to preface my guidance with the statement that if I were you I would not listen to any of it. Let’s begin.
Have a Bottle Collection
In my first year of university my two housemates and I saved all the bottles of alcohol we consumed. Slowly bottle of beer were replaced by large bottles of hard liqueur until the top shelf of our kitchen held enough empty bottle of booze to give an elephant cirrhosis. For some reason our bottle collection became quite the status symbol in our sphere, even the cleaning lady clucked in admiration.
Go to Awesome Parties
When hordes of youngsters, released from parental fetters for the first time, are put in charge of large houses there can only be one result. House parties. Sex! Drugs! Excessively loud music! From food fights to nudity, from sniffing Cocaine off nubile naked bodies to making friends that will last a lifetime, make the most of these parties. Soon you will be too responsible.
OK, here’s the good news. Sex isn’t a big deal. University is the perfect time to get to know your sexuality. Each coupling is a new star in the universe of your psyche. Each person will bring you a valuable perspective on life, on yourself – some of them will be so profound you will only realize years later. Treat everyone with respect. Treat every lover with an open and honest heart.
Have Non-Student Friends
Don’t only hang out with students. Students are a more homogenous group than you think. Find yourself in strange situations with people your parents would warn you away from, catch the last rays of a summer afternoon with a beautiful person in their 30s, play poker with an old hippy.